The
Real Reason "Not Spending" Doesn't Work
My daughter is growing
like a weed.
She was upset
because, yet again, she is
giving away her nice clothes that she’s out grown. This time
she was upset
because she’s been working and saving her money and has been
very strategic
about her ‘name brand’ purchases. She
started down the road that many parents have heard before, “I
need…” when I
asked her a couple simple questions that immediately changed the
direction of
the conversation.
I knew that the
‘needs’ of a teen growing up in the
environment that she has will be very different from the
‘needs’ of other teens
in other neighborhoods or the ‘needs’ of teens in
other countries so I didn’t
go down the road of trying to tell her that there is a difference
between
‘need’ and ‘want’.
I first empathized by
saying how frustrating it is
when something you really like and have spent good money on is no
longer of use
– I was thinking of the times when I’d accidentally
mixed the colors in the
laundry and turned a nice white top pink for example.
Then I asked why it was
important to her and she said
it makes her feel and look good. Okay,
then I asked if there was any other way she could replace the
‘name brand’
pants with a no-name brand at less money?
Her response was
“yes, but…”
Okay, so what was it
about the name brand pants that
made her feel better?
As predicted, the
response wasn’t well articulated, but basically because
‘everyone else’ had
them and because they looked better.
Next in the line of
questioning was “what were the
consequences of not having the name brand pants?”
Which
brought up another “yes, but” type of
answer, but one which you could see required some thinking. And
then things changed when I asked, “How
could you find more money to pay for another pair of the name brand
pants, and
other name brand items that you’d like?”
The answer I got
is the reason why rationalizing and cutting back isn’t
a real solution.
She told me she
would
see about working more to earn more money so she could buy the name
brand items
she felt good in. And, until she stopped growing, it was okay to choose
some
less expensive comparable items and splurge on the ‘name
brand’ ones that were
good quality and would last even with more growth.
I
think the lesson in all this is a good one: to explore why it is that
you want
the things that you do. If you are aware of your true desires (however
seemingly unimportant to other people) then you make decisions and
plans that
are coming from a place of knowledge in yourself. This
self-knowledge then becomes the
motivation to find a solution to bringing them into your life in a
responsible,
supportive way rather than sacrificing and rationalizing your goals and
dreams
away.
Regardless of the
item of desire,
my teenage daughter is now looking for ways to create income so she can
wear
nice name brand clothes that make her feel confident and good about
herself.
What a great incentive and reward, and reminder, of setting a goal and
making
it happen.
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Money
expert Tracy
Piercy,
CFP, Founder and CEO of MoneyMinding Inc., says,
“Conventional money
wisdom will keep you broke!” MoneyMinding is a
wealth building system
that turns conventional money wisdom upside-down. It offers a turn-key
marketing and coaching program for advisors and their clients who
understand
the importance of incorporating values-based financial decision making
into
day-to-day financial activities.
To
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visit www.MoneyMinding.com
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